I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
