I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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