Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
