I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
