He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
