Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
