1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
