the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
