She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
