shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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