Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
