my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
