That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
