Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
