just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
