I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
