so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
