I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
