Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
