Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
