i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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