1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
