I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
