dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
