i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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