a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
