i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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