Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
