Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
