even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
