his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
