5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
