It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
