We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
