I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
