Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
