I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
