A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
