Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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