i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
