At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I touched a dick in church today
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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