As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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