My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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