No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
