I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
