weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
