I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
3 2 1 whiskey
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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