if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I cannot find my penis.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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