Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I want her autograph on my taint
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
