Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize