my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
