The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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