Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
